i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
