So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
