I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
