i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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