That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
