i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
