btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
