Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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