my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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