I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
