Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
