I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
