We won't sleep together?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
