FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
