This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
