yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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