just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
