why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
