i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
