I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
