never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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