Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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