i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
