This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
