He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
