I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
