OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
