my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
