Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
