im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
