The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
