I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
