omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
