Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
