You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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