I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
