I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize