YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
