He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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