eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
