Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
