the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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