i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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