she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
