do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
