Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
