i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
