I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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