I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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