I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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