Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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