Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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