Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize