I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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