I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
