Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
