1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
