Please, let me fuck your mom
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
