around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
