my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
