mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
