mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
