I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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