She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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