Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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