shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
